It began, as all great expeditions do, with a dare. The human looked at the pile of couch cushions and said, "don't even think about it." Challenge accepted.
I am pleased to present my official expedition report.
Expedition Log, Day 1: Base Camp
I assembled my team (me), packed my supplies (one (1) hair tie, half a treat, and moral superiority), and set my sights on the highest peak in the house: Mount Cushion.
The humans asked if this was necessary. I did not answer. Some questions answer themselves.
The Foothills
The couch cushions. Soft. Treacherous. One wrong step and you sink to your knees in upholstery. I did not sink. (I sank twice.)
A lesser explorer would have turned back. I am not a lesser explorer. I am Maddie.
The Laundry Pass
A narrow ridge of warm laundry, fresh from the dryer. The humans call it "cleaning day." I call it destiny. I rested here for twenty minutes. A true explorer naps where the laundry is warm — it builds character and also it's just really nice.
The Summit
And then — the top. I planted my flag. I raised my paw. Below me stretched the entire living room: the humans (tiny, awestruck), the coffee table (conquered long ago), and a houseplant I have officially reclassified as a jungle.
I stood there for a full minute, letting the wind (the ceiling fan) ruffle my fur (it was on low).
What I Found at the Summit
The remote control. The human had been looking for it for three days. Buried at the peak, exactly where I left it.
I have decided not to tell them. Leverage is everything.
Lessons Learned
- The mountain is mostly pillows.
- Glory is fleeting; dinner is at six.
- If you find the remote, keep it. A queen does not surrender her treasures.
The fine-ish print: No cushions were harmed in this expedition. One was sat on. It deserved it. Mount Cushion remains open to future expeditions, weather (naps) permitting.
You read the whole thing. We're basically best friends now. Tell your friends about us — or don't, and keep the deals to yourself. We won't judge. (We will be slightly disappointed.)
