It started on Tuesday. Or possibly Wednesday. (The human says it was Tuesday. I say the human's calendar is not my concern.)
Something in the hallway was making noises. Suspicious noises. Creaking. Squeaking. The kind of noises that say, "There is a ghost in here, and it has not been paying rent."
As the boss of this house, I had no choice. It was time for an investigation.
The Evidence
I gathered the facts with my usual scientific rigor (I looked at things and formed strong opinions):
- The floorboards creaked all by themselves. I checked. Nobody was standing on them. I know because I was the only one there, and I was standing very still, which was brave of me.
- A pumpkin had appeared near the door. Round. Orange. Glowing. It was watching me. I stared back. I won.
- The shadows in the corner moved. I batted at them. They moved again. Disrespectful.
The Witnesses
A proper investigator interviews witnesses. I tried the dust bunnies under the bed. They refused to comment. Again. Those bunnies know things, and one day I will get answers out of them.
The pumpkin pleaded the fifth. It just sat there, glowing, all innocent. Sure, pumpkin. Sure.
The human was asleep. As always, the human was useless.
The Night Patrol
At 8 PM I was in the middle of zoomies (a prior commitment, no explanation, no warning, just speed), but by 8:15 I was on the case. I advanced down the hallway in full stealth mode: low crouch, tail down, whiskers at maximum sensitivity.
The creaking got louder. The shadows got shadier. The pumpkin glowed harder. I raised one paw, ready to pounce on whatever unholy spirit dared to haunt my hallway.
And then I caught it.
The Breakthrough
Reader, the ghost was a paper bag.
The ceiling fan was on. The breeze was moving the bag. The bag was rustling. The "creaking floorboards" were the bag being dragged by the breeze. The "watching pumpkin" was... still a pumpkin, honestly. That part is unresolved. Pumpkins are suspicious by nature and I have not ruled anything out.
I sat on the bag to assert dominance. Case closed.
The fine-ish print: No ghosts were harmed during this investigation. One (1) paper bag has been detained indefinitely. The pumpkin remains under surveillance. If you see it moving, you report directly to me. I am the boss. Be like Maddie.
